Delayed Gratification
There is something that I want that I can't have.
When we are toddlers we scream uncontrollably for it.
When we are kindergarten age we whine and beg for it.
When we are in middle school we bargain for it.
When we are in high school we reason for it.
When we are in college maybe we pretend there are no restrictions and get it, for ‘the experience’.
Now at twenty-four I find myself coming full-circle, back to the beginning and trying any and every method to rationalize getting what I want when I want it. I am so good at convincing myself that I deserve it. Now that I recognize this behavior in myself I want to challenge it and resist it with a full understanding.
It: whether it’s food, toys, cars, sex, it's the thing that keeps you occupied and out of focus.
If you have made the decision to abstain from sex, you know what it is like to deal with the reality of that decision. And sometimes, like any other thing that we want that we can’t have immediately we try to think of ways to rationalize getting it. For many people, it makes sense logically as well as morally to wait, to cut down on the number of partners, maybe even to just one. In the words of Holly Holiday from Glee Season 2, "when you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've had sex with and everybody's got a random." And this doesn’t even begin to cover the emotional ties that can come along with different partners. As adults, we all understand the physical and emotional risks of sex with multiple partners but this doesn’t solve the problem of desire. Even though you have made the decision to abstain, you may still really want to have sex. In this posting I am trying to work through the quagmire of issues that arise when you are abstinent and have the desire to have sex. It is only normal to want to have sex, it is the most amazing and complete way to be close to somebody and many times abstinence can feel lonely. So, what I do when I want things I can’t have is I look for ways to justify getting it. I see it like a cycle:
My mom talks through her spirituality as though it is a constant battle, one we must be prepared for and fight daily. What a perfect weapon Satan has then, placing little wants and needs in our way; we become consumed with little things and forget everything else. Some people would call them idols, others addictions, others luxuries we are meant to simply enjoy and stop thinking about.
I want so many things, and I can argue that in a lot of cases, God desires to bless us although perhaps not as materialistically as we may want. But what about wanting and needing and obsessing and (dare I say) blowing things out of proportion over IT?
Sex is unbelievably powerful, especially in our culture. It sells. It is the driving force in selling the movies, t.v. shows, magazines, clothing, cars, bottles of water, phones and anything else we look to. It is something we may grow to desire strongly without even being aware that is important to us. Why? Because it has the power to blind us just as much as the objects that it sells; for many of us, the simple fact that it is something out of reach, it is our “forbidden fruit”. It is the thing that will drive us to get it no matter what the consequences long or short-term. But to what end?
So we have sex. Now we need more. And things become more complicated. Many of us are not prepared to deal with the consequences of having sex, for some it is a struggle even inside marriage. Who do we look to for guidance? My dad's favorite quote from the bible, "there's nothing new under the sun". We are certainly not the first to face difficult desires and to be confronted with our temptations. Perhaps we should begin searching out how others have dealt with the same issues, or even begin talking to your community. Letting your struggles out into the open. And I know that these is easier said then done. We all care to some extent what others will think of us and to admit such personal desires, we can feel as though we are giving ammunition to others. They will know us so well. Yes, that's certainly true, but I am no longer convinced that hiding is going to make a deep seeded problem go away.
I think we need to come to terms with the fact that we are spoiled and are needs have the ability to be immediately met at the 7/11 down the road, cellphones in hands, and credit cards in our pockets. Our need to wait is minimized by the westernized lives we lead. We have no tolerance for waiting because patience is no longer a virtue but a weakness. Perhaps if we learned to be disciplined with other things like working out, eating right, reading scripture, staying away from facebook when you need to write a paper, then we could learn the importance of living in tension with our wants and learning to distinguish a want from a need.
This is the lesson I learned from a friend, that our lives have the ability to provide a glimpse into eternity. That through accepting the tensions we face daily, we are reminded of our need for a Savior and the eternity that we are created for. Trapped in mortal bodies we are living in tension yearning for something greater, but in our waiting we find who we are in Christ.
I love this idea, I love the message it reminds me of whenever I feel weak against IT, how fleeting my desires are in comparison to a stronger need for communion with the Father.
For those of us who have chosen to abstain from having sex we need to turn away from the pressure to view patience as a weakness and to learn to ‘work-out’ our patience the same way we work out to keep our bodies in shape. I haven’t come to any solid conclusions today, but I’d love some feedback from anyone who can contribute their own personal ideas.
![[Click for IPA pronunciation guide]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_tH2mB_9xX5Qd6sz6-WJGvVFkVzO0EiJjcD8V6xhv6GpWlt-MLtST-rh_wxcbYaUESTARTy59DfDElp9M07Vn9JtkZ14_Avrp47P1eYo3SPm0ol12GJ9H_wlXmrtUbLtJ8m8FaVbzuUTo66WDCidTTL=s0-d)